RED FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

WHEN AND HOW SHOULD THEY BE NOTICED?

Everybody talks about red flags but the rising rate of broken relationships and marriages shows that nobody looks out for them. So the question is when and how should red flags be noticed? Before recognizing red flags, you should work on yourself first, get to know your likes and turnoffs, honestly itemize your strengths, weaknesses and bad habits. Work on your attitude and behavioral patterns, improve your relationships with people, control your emotions; stop deceiving yourself by saying I’m keeping it real NO! keeping it real does not mean you should let your emotions control your actions and speech like a raging bull out of control.

When you have properly worked on yourself, then you would have to itemize your red flags; that is signs that the individual would not be a good match for you. When doing this you would have to be realistic, do not expect a fairy tale perfect partner because this is reality. So rather than trying to find a perfect person try making a list of qualities that crosses out your weaknesses and fortifies your strengths. Now you are ready! The question now is when do you look out for them? Red flags are better seen with lust free eyes. Emotions cloud your senses and makes you susceptible to low standards and qualities you are not compatible with. This is serious because those emotions tend to clear up after marriage and that has led to many unhappy and broken relationships today.

Now there are a lot of prospective partners out there and most of them are usually around us. For instance, your fellow gym members, apartment neighbor, the neighbor down the street, your work colleague, or even someone you bump into daily while grabbing your early morning coffee. The point is that if you take a minute to think and look around you, you will find that you are surrounded by people and you could end up being in a relationship with one of them. There is a game you should play in your head that will help you practice checking out your red flag list. Now we all know that we end up making excuses for those we like so before you go out on a date with someone and end up forgetting about your red flag list it is important that you play this game. In the preceding paragraphs, we talked about people around you so as soon as you get friendly with a person, watch and observe them from a distance, watch how they interact with people, their attitudes to things and of course your turnoffs. If several of these individuals from a distance got an A+ on your red flag list, never let the interaction leave the friendship stage. However, if someone passes your list keep the person in your potential partner list. I am not saying that you should go around fantasizing about people who passes the test NO! This is just a way to guard and prepare yourself for future relationships.

Another avenue people meet prospective partners is through online dating. Various apps have created opportunities for people to connect with various individuals all over the world for the purpose of dating. This is a popular means of dating and many people have found their love partners through this means. Since people are not usually what they portray themselves to be, here are some general red flags to watch out for.

• COMMUNICATION: People make out time for what’s important to them, so if your new partner is not creating enough time to communicate with you, that is a red flag.
• ATTITUDE: People are what they say. During communication, watch what they say and how they talk to you and about others. Is the person petty, rude, a bragger, dismisses your concerns and emotions? Do they try to put you first or do you get the leftover of their time and attention? Can you pour your concerns to this person without feeling like you are having a voice recording rather than a conversation?
• INSTINCTS: Never dismiss your instincts and conscience because they are your compass that guides you in life. If your instincts makes you uncomfortable around a person, do not suppress it rather watch out for signs that you might have ignored earlier.
• FIANCES: Money is a very important aspect of a relationship so you would want to really take your time to consider this aspect. Money management is a skill not everyone has and this has nothing to do with the income size of the person. A person who can not manage his monthly three figure pay would still not be content with a monthly six figure pay. Also generosity has nothing to do with the size of their income. A generous person is a giver but a stingy person finds it hard to give even when there is an abundance. Do not be with a person who spends extravagantly, or is extremely stingy. A person who is obsessive with money is also a bad partner because that person would not spend time with you which is important rather they are more interested in acquiring more wealth. Remember find a person who balances their money needs perfectly with their life.
• RESPECT: They say respect is reciprocal. Its important to find a person who respects you, your values and beliefs. Trust, honesty and communication are the basis for a strong relationship make sure it is included in yours too.

Just as our faces are different so are our needs, wants and desires. I know this article may not carter to all your specific needs, but it is a great pointer in starting healthy relationships. Like I wrote earlier before going into a relationship work on yourself do not bring a half baked cake to the table. Ask yourself Can I date myself? Do not expect someone to deal with your hidden traumas, work on yourself first before you open up for a relationship.

Here’s to finding more compatible partners and having happy long lasting relationships.

It’s Your Girl Vdina.